Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

My name is Tamara and I’m a Child, Adolescent and Family therapist. I’m a mother of two. I am a partner of one. I volunteer in the community. I am a friend and acquaintance of many. I study, I read, I sit on the couch and watch TV. I teach and I write. I often reflect on these roles in relation to the experiences of parenting. My blog is about the grief and loss occurring at every stage of the parenting journey. Have a look at blog post two for the parenting and paper cuts theory – you won’t want to miss it. I believe in the goodness in each of us and this goodness means we suffer. I see our lives as accepting these truths and exploring them is our journey. Parenting highlights this suffering and brings us closer to love.

This blog will help you think about how you parent, why you do what you do and how to feel good about it. We all second guess ourselves, feel guilty and worried that we’re good enough. This blog will enable you to be enough – because you already are enough. I’ve been lucky enough work with kids and families for over 20 years. I’ve completed degrees and courses which have given me some theories. Now it’s time for me to reflect on my own parenting and caring journey with you.

The other day we had a family Christmas. Paper crumped, tears shed and sharing smiles across the board. I noticed the various kids fulfilling a range of roles – the present wrecker (the little one who tells the presents as Nan or Pop is about to open them), the peacemaker (checking on everyone and offering cuddles as currency) and the ruffian (the ‘spirited’ child who causes chaos). They are much loved and cherished and each moment passes losing these moments and gaining precious memories. We ask ourselves – how do we teach them? The bigger questions, to me, is what do we teach them? We are inundated with messages all the time about ‘be kind’, ‘work hard’ and ‘build resilience’. These are all great and for parents, the trick is how we do this.

Top three tips –

1) The adults (carers, parents, extended family members) who care for the children need to be on the same page – talk about the values and what behaviours we encourage.

2) Walk the talk – if you aren’t modelling what you are spouting then your children won’t be either.

3) Accept the moments as they happen, enjoy them and find ways to remember them.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this blog going, so stay tuned for more. I’ll aim to post once or twice a week. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.