Belonging. It’s hardwired in all of us. Humans are made to connect and feel and move towards each other. When we are born, our first instinct is to move towards the love of a parent. As a parent, we want to protect our young and want them to feel protected in their pack. At each age and stage, friendships mean very different things. Infants are primarily curiosity with each other, someone to be amused by. Toddlers tend to play side by side. occasionally in conflict over a toy or a too rough hug. As they move into primary school, the pack takes on more meaning.
I watch the dynamic of the 9-11 pre-teen. Developmentally they are success seeking – finding out what they are competent in and working towards goals. They are also noticing who they are particularly in relation to others. I observed my eldest being teased because a peer proclaimed “I like you. Will you go out with me?” and then ran off. The fury and confusions she experienced tugged at my heart and I tried to listen and hear her experience and support her managing this new task. What was the hardest to bracket was her fear her friends were talking about her and keeping secrets. This was a small event but a sign of things to come.
She would be left out. She would be talked about. She will feel overwhelmed. I can’t manage this for her.
Parenting and paper cuts. 